The great thing about the journey through life is the relationships we make along the way. We can make memories and do dumb things and achieve greatness. But what makes all those things better is the people we meet along the way. There are so many relationships that can be forged. Mothers and child, fathers and mothers, friends, friends with benefits, boyfriends, girlfriends, wives, grandparents. The list could go on forever. I totally believe in the idea of everyone knowing everyone through someone. The 6 degrees of separation.
I have a sister. Some of you may know her. She is 24 years old and is great. She teaches young people to cook. But what she doesn't know is that she has been a teacher since the day I was born. For 20 years, she has helped me become the person I am today. I learn from her mistakes, her success, her relationships, her life. She has taught me that I should tell my parents exactly what I am doing, to avoid confusion later. She has taught me that maybe is isn't such a great idea to ride my bike down the path full of tree stumps and trees(even though I do it anyway). She has taught me what it means to change. That just because you are one person in one phase of life doesn't mean that that's who you have to be forever. She has taught me patience. She has been my main teacher in self-defense. Because even though we love each other and are sisters, we can have our knock out drag out fights. I usually win of course because I am better and stronger. ;) A sister relationship is a very give and take kind of situation. She gives, I take. I give, she takes. I can't even count how many times I've shown up at her apt to find a shirt or a purse that is supposed to belong to me. But how many times have I taken something from her. Its just how we operate. And I love every second of it, because no matter what, she will be there. And if she calls, I will be there.
Friendships are a much broader and open kind of relationships. There are the so called "best" friends. The high school friends. The college friends. The work friends. The family friends. And my personal favorite to describe, the "special" friends. Friendships can end. Friendships can alway begin. But somehow, hopefully for everyone, there is always someone there. I have a great group of friends. We can create fun in any situation, whether that be stuck in traffic, on a road trip, at someone's house, just in a field somewhere, you can bet there will be laughing and plenty of debate. I love my friends.
I don't really know where I am going with this. I think my main point would be to look around. Think about who you would call if you were in a tight spot. Then call that person just to say hello, because you can. Tell someone you love them today, for you never know when you'll be able to again. Cherish the relationships you have, think about the ones you've lost, and be excited for those not yet formed. The beauty about relationships is that they are ever evolving, changing with the times. That is all. I don't know how else to put it. The great thing about my journey right now is that I have friends who love me and support me, and I have so many more friends to make on this new road. I'm excited for this. But I wont forget where I cam from. Thank you friends, blood related and not, for being there. I look forward to our next meeting.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Day 23- Life at it's not so finest
It's hard to believe what our world has come to. The news has become so depressing, just reports after reports of death and terror and terrible things happening all over the world. The saying "well at least it can't get any worse" will never be true. It can always get worse and we are reminded of that every day. After the storm I experienced at my cabin, I couldn't help but feel sorry for us. But it could have been so much worse. Trees can be cut up. Boats can be flipped back over. Docks can be replaced. What can't be replaced is a human life. A little girl died in that storm. But still, without diminishing any pain felt for that family of that little girl, it could have been worse. The tornado in Joplin is an example of that. Hurricane Katrina is still an example of that. The attacks on 9-11 will always be an example of that. Life is so precious. I can't help but feel bad when I sleep in past 9. I feel as if this thing called life is just waiting to be lived, and me sleeping in is just wasting opportunities. People are dying all around the world, and I want to be able to say that I did something about it.
I've been overwhelmed with these feelings lately that I find very hard to explain. They have been keeping me up at night and distracting me throughout the day. I can't help but feel that this is as good as its going to get. That maybe my life will somehow always be me living in my parents basement. I know that this is dramatic and very untrue. But its a feeling of disappointment. Like all the hard work I did in high school and the first two years of college are just going to go down the drain because of this ever life changing decision I've made. I keep telling you and myself that I'm okay with decision. But the more I think about it and the more I think about how different my life is going to be, the more scared and unsure I become. This isn't a good scared either. I am actually terrified of how this is going to affect my life. I know that these are probably pointless worries and that everything is going to be fine, but those feelings are there and I am finding them harder and harder to avoid. I'm motivated to not let these fears become a reality. I am determined to get my degree and make something of myself. What I want to make myself into is still unclear. I am sure that when I find it, I will love it. But I made this decision because I was unhappy with what I was doing before. I just hope that this wont have the same effect.
Fear is a funny thing. It can consume a person to the point of insanity. It can drive a person to work harder and longer in the pursuit of making those fears go away. What will define me in this decision is how I confront my fears. I will not lie down and let them overcome me. I will fight them. I will win. But for, just feeling something is better than feeling nothing. Being afraid to fail means that I want to succeed. For now, that will have to be good enough.
I've been overwhelmed with these feelings lately that I find very hard to explain. They have been keeping me up at night and distracting me throughout the day. I can't help but feel that this is as good as its going to get. That maybe my life will somehow always be me living in my parents basement. I know that this is dramatic and very untrue. But its a feeling of disappointment. Like all the hard work I did in high school and the first two years of college are just going to go down the drain because of this ever life changing decision I've made. I keep telling you and myself that I'm okay with decision. But the more I think about it and the more I think about how different my life is going to be, the more scared and unsure I become. This isn't a good scared either. I am actually terrified of how this is going to affect my life. I know that these are probably pointless worries and that everything is going to be fine, but those feelings are there and I am finding them harder and harder to avoid. I'm motivated to not let these fears become a reality. I am determined to get my degree and make something of myself. What I want to make myself into is still unclear. I am sure that when I find it, I will love it. But I made this decision because I was unhappy with what I was doing before. I just hope that this wont have the same effect.
Fear is a funny thing. It can consume a person to the point of insanity. It can drive a person to work harder and longer in the pursuit of making those fears go away. What will define me in this decision is how I confront my fears. I will not lie down and let them overcome me. I will fight them. I will win. But for, just feeling something is better than feeling nothing. Being afraid to fail means that I want to succeed. For now, that will have to be good enough.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Day 21- You always want what you cant have
It's funny. When I was younger, I remember making pages long lists of things I wanted for Christmas or my birthday. Thinking about them now, I can only remember one thing I truly wanted more anything for like 3 Christmas' in a row... a life size Barbie. Of course, it was life size to me in third grade and the coolest thing ever and all my friends had one and I was the only one who didn't get one. I'm grateful that my parents didn't get one now. I would probably have some super creepy doll just chillen in a land fill somewhere after I probably would have played with it about three times. It seems like a childish thing, to want things we don't need, to yearn for things that will probably not better our life. But when I think about, I don't think we ever grow out of this. We always want something more than what we have, even if we don't think so.
I have wavy hair. I have thick hair. I have a bootylicious body. I used to want straight hair, not so think, skinnier body, not so wide feet etc. But I've come to accept and love my hair, see that my toes are perfectly in alignment to my standards, that having a butt isn't a bad thing. Its a realization that I've come to over time. And they are terms that I am still trying to accept on occasion. I love my name, my last name, my crazy but oh so normal family. I don't wish I had another life. I am quite content with mine. But there are people out there who haven't come to terms with their lives. If you don't like something and can change it, then do it. If you can't change it, then learn to love it. Learn to love what sets you apart. Once you learn to love yourself, the possibilities are endless and open. When in doubt, remember that you aren't the only human in the world, obviously. Look around a room or a coffee shop or a mall. See the people around you, and really see them. Each and every one of them probably has something about them they would like to change.
But enough of my cheesy, inspirational stuff. I have sent in my application of Metro and am waiting for them to receive all my transcripts. According to the snooty admissions "help" person, I am not going to be able to start in the fall since I missed the deadline. But I find it hard to believe that I am not going to be able to even take at least an online class. But I guess all will be sorted out in time. I am hoping to be able to travel at the end of spring into summer. It's something I have always wanted to do and I am doing it. I am still getting used to the idea of not going back to Marquette in the fall. I emailed my mascot coach the other day and told her and it made me immensely sad. I am really going to miss all the people I met down there. It is such a bummer that everything has to be based on money. But my situation is far better than others who are starving or homeless who don't even get the some of the opportunities I myself have been privileged to have. I guess it's just time to redecorate my room, maybe clean it if I feel like it ;).
I'm still enjoying my adventure, but it's something I don't think I'll ever get used to. Thank you for reading all my cheesy, sometimes dim witted and often never making sense of a blog!
I have wavy hair. I have thick hair. I have a bootylicious body. I used to want straight hair, not so think, skinnier body, not so wide feet etc. But I've come to accept and love my hair, see that my toes are perfectly in alignment to my standards, that having a butt isn't a bad thing. Its a realization that I've come to over time. And they are terms that I am still trying to accept on occasion. I love my name, my last name, my crazy but oh so normal family. I don't wish I had another life. I am quite content with mine. But there are people out there who haven't come to terms with their lives. If you don't like something and can change it, then do it. If you can't change it, then learn to love it. Learn to love what sets you apart. Once you learn to love yourself, the possibilities are endless and open. When in doubt, remember that you aren't the only human in the world, obviously. Look around a room or a coffee shop or a mall. See the people around you, and really see them. Each and every one of them probably has something about them they would like to change.
But enough of my cheesy, inspirational stuff. I have sent in my application of Metro and am waiting for them to receive all my transcripts. According to the snooty admissions "help" person, I am not going to be able to start in the fall since I missed the deadline. But I find it hard to believe that I am not going to be able to even take at least an online class. But I guess all will be sorted out in time. I am hoping to be able to travel at the end of spring into summer. It's something I have always wanted to do and I am doing it. I am still getting used to the idea of not going back to Marquette in the fall. I emailed my mascot coach the other day and told her and it made me immensely sad. I am really going to miss all the people I met down there. It is such a bummer that everything has to be based on money. But my situation is far better than others who are starving or homeless who don't even get the some of the opportunities I myself have been privileged to have. I guess it's just time to redecorate my room, maybe clean it if I feel like it ;).
I'm still enjoying my adventure, but it's something I don't think I'll ever get used to. Thank you for reading all my cheesy, sometimes dim witted and often never making sense of a blog!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Day 19- Professional Movers For Hire!
Word of the day:
uni-boob(noun) 1. when two boobs are forced into close vicinity with
eachother, therefore looking to outside parties as
one giant boob. 2. having one boob
Today may have been one of the most unattractive days of my life. And I've had my days, believe me, but today may have taken the cake. My beautiful, bright, awesome, athletic, gerbil of a sister decided that a 97 degree day with an outrageous humidity would be the perfect day to move into her new place. Now, I love my sister to death, but I don't think I've ever sweat that much in my entire life in such a short amount of time. I made the mistake of wearing a grey shirt, and you can imagine that this obviously didn't help me in the beauty department. Just nasty. But, Sare and I are amazing at being awesome so naturally, we made the best of it. We hauled a bed, couch, chair, table, 3 loads of clothes(this is Sara so they were twice the size of a normal person), a television, a dining set, and other miscellaneous items out of IKEA and her old apartment into her new place. We are women! Hear us scream!(as we are falling down the stairs of course haha).
Now of course, being me, I didn't care to think ahead. I was to meet a friend for dinner on Grand after helping Sare, and was not expecting to be as gross as I was(who knows why I thought that, it was just dim witted on my part). So I walk into a restaurant, full of people, sweating, in a gray shirt of course. One of my fondest memories.
On to the word of the day. To add to my very unbecoming look of the day, I had a very small selection of sports bras to choose from today. Women, you know what I am talking about. When the sports bra you are wearing is just a tidge bit too small, there fore resulting in a uni-boob. So if you can imagine, I belonged on an episode of "True Life: I'm Just Gross" today.
Anyway, it's good to know that if all else fails in life for Sare and I, we can open up our own moving company! How exciting. "Sare and Mare: Moving Extraordinaire's!" Of course, in the fine print, there would be a little clause about only moving things down stairs...
uni-boob(noun) 1. when two boobs are forced into close vicinity with
eachother, therefore looking to outside parties as
one giant boob. 2. having one boob
Today may have been one of the most unattractive days of my life. And I've had my days, believe me, but today may have taken the cake. My beautiful, bright, awesome, athletic, gerbil of a sister decided that a 97 degree day with an outrageous humidity would be the perfect day to move into her new place. Now, I love my sister to death, but I don't think I've ever sweat that much in my entire life in such a short amount of time. I made the mistake of wearing a grey shirt, and you can imagine that this obviously didn't help me in the beauty department. Just nasty. But, Sare and I are amazing at being awesome so naturally, we made the best of it. We hauled a bed, couch, chair, table, 3 loads of clothes(this is Sara so they were twice the size of a normal person), a television, a dining set, and other miscellaneous items out of IKEA and her old apartment into her new place. We are women! Hear us scream!(as we are falling down the stairs of course haha).
Now of course, being me, I didn't care to think ahead. I was to meet a friend for dinner on Grand after helping Sare, and was not expecting to be as gross as I was(who knows why I thought that, it was just dim witted on my part). So I walk into a restaurant, full of people, sweating, in a gray shirt of course. One of my fondest memories.
On to the word of the day. To add to my very unbecoming look of the day, I had a very small selection of sports bras to choose from today. Women, you know what I am talking about. When the sports bra you are wearing is just a tidge bit too small, there fore resulting in a uni-boob. So if you can imagine, I belonged on an episode of "True Life: I'm Just Gross" today.
Anyway, it's good to know that if all else fails in life for Sare and I, we can open up our own moving company! How exciting. "Sare and Mare: Moving Extraordinaire's!" Of course, in the fine print, there would be a little clause about only moving things down stairs...
Monday, July 18, 2011
Day 17- Stoplights
It is said that a person spends 6 months of their life at a stoplight. Stoplights are often seen as bad. Hindering our travels, slowing us down, telling us to stop when all we want to do is go. Stoplights are even thought of as bad because of their color, red. A stop sign is red. Blood is red when it comes out of the body. Warning signs are often red. All seemingly bad things in many peoples eyes. What people don't often think about though is that a stoplight is a time for us to slow down. To gather our thoughts, to look around us. They force us to. The best thing that happens when I am driving is when an impatient person pulls up behind me, tailgating me in a very unnecessary way and passes me, only to end up stopped at the same stoplight. It didn't get them anywhere any faster than me. I am not saying that I am not guilty of doing this sometimes. Everyone gets impatient, but even when someone is running late, flustered and probably driving recklessly, there will always be that stoplight to slow us down and make us wait. This may seem to be a waste of life to some people, but think about all of the other things we do that seemingly "wastes" our life away.
Time is something we can never get back. I will never be a teenager again. I will never be in high school again. I can never go back, always moving forward, getting older, not much wiser and a whole lot sassier. It's a funny thing, time. It seems to drag on when we are bored, or doing something we don't want to do and fly right by when we are having fun. Time can never be paused on a moment. It may seem like it sometimes, that time slows down at a significant point in life, or when it seems like everything is going wrong. With all the technology around us these days, it is easy to get caught up in it all. To waste away time being more connected with technology than with ourselves. I am guilty of this. I have a Twitter and a Facebook and I'm LinkedIn and hey, I'm even blogging. But when's the last time we just unplugged from everything and went on a bike ride. Whens the last time we just sat around with friends and enjoyed each others company instead of instant messaging them on Facebook. I understand that these resources are a great way for us to keep in touch with those who are far away. But sometimes, we need to refocus on the people here with us now, before they to go their own way, sometimes forever. One of my sisters friends from high school died recently. I knew him, not well, but he used to park next to us everyday my 8th grade year. He always pulled up with a smile on his face a wave. Its people like that that make the world turn. Those who can put a smile on others faces without even trying. We are all in a hurry to get somewhere. To get to the next destination, that sometimes, we forget to enjoy our current place.
I like where I am in life these days. I can go anywhere from here. There will come a time when I move out and live on my own. When I get married, maybe have kids of my own. My life will move at hyper speed and I'll be 40 before I even know what hit me. For now, I am going to enjoy living at home, in the warmth of my own bed, under my parents roof. The teasing and the chores are actually nice. They remind me of how I got to where I am today. They remind me that home will always be here. And for now, I am just going to be here. I'm going to ride my bike around the neighborhood, wave at my neighbors, smile and kiss my parents when I get home, pet my dog and cuddle with him while we watch movies in the worn down chair. These are moments that will eventually be gone. So now is the time to cherish them. I am coming to a stoplight. I am seeing the red as a sign of the love, warmth and passion that can come with life. I am looking around at my surroundings and enjoying the break.
Next time you are stopped at a stoplight, look around you. Take a breath. Feel something you've never felt. Think something you wouldn't normally let cross your mind. Smile, even though nothing funny has been said. Smile because you can. Think because you someday might not be able to. Roll the windows down, feel the breeze. Life is short and sometimes over too soon. Don't think about the stoplight as a roadblock, but think of it as more of rest stop. Hug your family because you can. Love yourself because its the vessel that makes life possible. Then spread that love to those who have lost it and remind them that even with all the bad in the world, there is still good. Life is beautiful thing, why speed threw it like a yellow light.
Time is something we can never get back. I will never be a teenager again. I will never be in high school again. I can never go back, always moving forward, getting older, not much wiser and a whole lot sassier. It's a funny thing, time. It seems to drag on when we are bored, or doing something we don't want to do and fly right by when we are having fun. Time can never be paused on a moment. It may seem like it sometimes, that time slows down at a significant point in life, or when it seems like everything is going wrong. With all the technology around us these days, it is easy to get caught up in it all. To waste away time being more connected with technology than with ourselves. I am guilty of this. I have a Twitter and a Facebook and I'm LinkedIn and hey, I'm even blogging. But when's the last time we just unplugged from everything and went on a bike ride. Whens the last time we just sat around with friends and enjoyed each others company instead of instant messaging them on Facebook. I understand that these resources are a great way for us to keep in touch with those who are far away. But sometimes, we need to refocus on the people here with us now, before they to go their own way, sometimes forever. One of my sisters friends from high school died recently. I knew him, not well, but he used to park next to us everyday my 8th grade year. He always pulled up with a smile on his face a wave. Its people like that that make the world turn. Those who can put a smile on others faces without even trying. We are all in a hurry to get somewhere. To get to the next destination, that sometimes, we forget to enjoy our current place.
I like where I am in life these days. I can go anywhere from here. There will come a time when I move out and live on my own. When I get married, maybe have kids of my own. My life will move at hyper speed and I'll be 40 before I even know what hit me. For now, I am going to enjoy living at home, in the warmth of my own bed, under my parents roof. The teasing and the chores are actually nice. They remind me of how I got to where I am today. They remind me that home will always be here. And for now, I am just going to be here. I'm going to ride my bike around the neighborhood, wave at my neighbors, smile and kiss my parents when I get home, pet my dog and cuddle with him while we watch movies in the worn down chair. These are moments that will eventually be gone. So now is the time to cherish them. I am coming to a stoplight. I am seeing the red as a sign of the love, warmth and passion that can come with life. I am looking around at my surroundings and enjoying the break.
Next time you are stopped at a stoplight, look around you. Take a breath. Feel something you've never felt. Think something you wouldn't normally let cross your mind. Smile, even though nothing funny has been said. Smile because you can. Think because you someday might not be able to. Roll the windows down, feel the breeze. Life is short and sometimes over too soon. Don't think about the stoplight as a roadblock, but think of it as more of rest stop. Hug your family because you can. Love yourself because its the vessel that makes life possible. Then spread that love to those who have lost it and remind them that even with all the bad in the world, there is still good. Life is beautiful thing, why speed threw it like a yellow light.
Day 16- A New Outlook
Okay, so I have decided to look at my adventure as a parallel to Harry Potter. Except for the fact that I have no magical powers, and a dark wizard isn't trying to kill me and I don't save an entire population from a dismal existence. But, I don't care.
So my adventure this week was filled with some potholes. I think my "kinda bitchy" status has earned me some bad karma. First, 10 bags of my dads fish got completely ruined because the freezer went out for some reason and thawed out. Then, I broke some guys heart, trust me, it wouldn't have worked. But it was still stressful. Then, tonight, about 5 minutes from home, and boom, and idiot of a deer runs into me. It didn't cause any major damage and because of my amazing defensive driving skills, I avoided killing it and the car. But still, its a pain in the badonk. I mean yes deer, we did wreck your main habitat by not only putting roads in, but placing high speed killing machines on them as well. But we've adjusted! Come on now, why run into the only car on the road. You couldn't have waited 5 seconds to run across the road.
But I guess thats besides the point. Animals and the universe may have it out for me, but it could always be worse. I think something finally clicked in my head. No matter how many things go wrong in my life, they could always be worse. I have a great family who loves me and supports me. I have great friends who will always be there for a laugh and a good time. I may not know which direction I am going with my life, but I know well enough to make it count.
As one of my friends from school would call it, the new word of the day is Thinspiration. My new inspiration to continue to get in shape. I am already on this journey to get back my body, but in the middle of it, I just need some revamping. So my new thinspiration is traveling and surviving the apocalypse. Hahah. After surviving the first one in Webb Lake, WI, I want to survive the next one haha. I could do it, out runt he aliens haha. Not really of course. My main thinspiration is traveling. I love hiking and being active and its a lot more fun when I can where cute clothes haha. Lurvs and hugs to all those looking for thinspiration. Find something you look forward to and use it!
So my adventure this week was filled with some potholes. I think my "kinda bitchy" status has earned me some bad karma. First, 10 bags of my dads fish got completely ruined because the freezer went out for some reason and thawed out. Then, I broke some guys heart, trust me, it wouldn't have worked. But it was still stressful. Then, tonight, about 5 minutes from home, and boom, and idiot of a deer runs into me. It didn't cause any major damage and because of my amazing defensive driving skills, I avoided killing it and the car. But still, its a pain in the badonk. I mean yes deer, we did wreck your main habitat by not only putting roads in, but placing high speed killing machines on them as well. But we've adjusted! Come on now, why run into the only car on the road. You couldn't have waited 5 seconds to run across the road.
But I guess thats besides the point. Animals and the universe may have it out for me, but it could always be worse. I think something finally clicked in my head. No matter how many things go wrong in my life, they could always be worse. I have a great family who loves me and supports me. I have great friends who will always be there for a laugh and a good time. I may not know which direction I am going with my life, but I know well enough to make it count.
As one of my friends from school would call it, the new word of the day is Thinspiration. My new inspiration to continue to get in shape. I am already on this journey to get back my body, but in the middle of it, I just need some revamping. So my new thinspiration is traveling and surviving the apocalypse. Hahah. After surviving the first one in Webb Lake, WI, I want to survive the next one haha. I could do it, out runt he aliens haha. Not really of course. My main thinspiration is traveling. I love hiking and being active and its a lot more fun when I can where cute clothes haha. Lurvs and hugs to all those looking for thinspiration. Find something you look forward to and use it!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Day 13- Application and Final Plan
Well, the application is filled out and ready to go. I figured out my expenses and am all ready to go. Lets just say this is the best decision I could have made. The only thing is that I will not be able to start until the Spring semester, but I am okay with this. I can get a full time job and make tons-o-monay to pay for this new adventure. So I am taking the fall semester off to work and attending Metropolitan State University in the spring. I am excited! If anyone has any ideas for jobs, just let meh know ;)
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Day 12- New Inspiration
So many things happened to me today that made the saying "things happen for a reason" all the more true. I have come to terms with my decision to leave school. I know it is the right thing for me and I am okay with it. Sometimes though, I like to remind myself of the advantages to me being in this situation. Free room and board, a quarter of the expenses for school, the ability to get a full time job to make more money and one that recently just came about in the last 20 minutes. TRAVELING!! Now, when I was still on the track of being at Marquette, I was supposed to be going to India in the Fall. As many of you may know, there was a terrorist attack there today in Mumbai. While watching the news coverage on this, my mom just looked at me and said, "Love you dear but I am glad you aren't going there". And I know she is right. It is a place I would like to visit one day, but I believe my dads words were, "You probably would have been in jail within the first month". This is probably true. I don't like to hold my tongue when women are so outright disrespected. But, just because I wont be studying abroad doesn't mean that I will not be traveling! I was talking to my friend Janey who will studying abroad in France in the spring. I also have 4 other friends who will be abroad during this time. So, I am going to visit!! And travel around Europe. Perfect! Done and done.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Day 11- Don't Look At Me Like Your Momma Don't Feed You
Sara, this one's for you. :)
So, I am what some would call a nanny. I clean the house once a week(I know, for those that know me well this comes as a suprise, but what is even more scary is that I am starting to like it...) and 3 days a week, I am a "babysitter" for a 14 year old boy. Now 14 is an awkward age for anyone. I know it was for me, but I escaped unscathed, as did most of us. I am not so sure that is going to be the case for this boy. And that will have to do with me.
Like I said in a previous post, I am seen in a lot of different ways by a lot of different people. My absolute favorite way though came about yesterday while sitting outside with the 14 year old. He described me as "kind of bitchy". I had to think about this for a second. This comment could be seen to many people as mean. But the word bitchy has a little different context to me than most people. At first I was offended. Didn't this kid know that the only reason I am bitchy to him is because he doesn't listen to me and I am easily flustered with insubordination!!!!! Then I thought about it a little more. This time I took it as a complitment. He didn't say I was bitchy. He said I was KIND of bitchy. This is completely different. I just told him that I don't take crap from anyone, and many times that can come off as bitchy. Especially when pubescent(probably one of the funniest words in the english language...its pube then scent:meaning teenage...)little boys are involved. So technically, it's his own fault for making me mad.
Anyway, there is a reason this whole conversation came about. Last Friday, there was something that can be seen as some what of an altercation that occured between me and the pubertal toddler. Bikeriding was on the agenda for Friday. I hauled my bike over in my not big enough for a bike car and was really excited. The thing about the adolescent is that he really likes video games. This is not an issue, but it becomes one when he spends all day inside. It's 80 degrees outside and sunny, how can someone spend all day inside when thats what its like outside. I dont know. Paradox of the day. So after Ellen, I said lets go for a bike ride!!! In my sorority girly voice of course, just to annoy him ;) He then began to make every excuse in the book, we've all done it. So I went outside, un packed my bike and began impatiently riding around their driveway yelling his name and telling him to get his lazy butt outside and onto his bike. He then came outside and told me that his mom wanted to talk to me. Great. He called his mom to get out of going for a bike ride AROUND THE BLOCK!!! She said that he said that he didn't have his helmet(which was probably in the basement) so he didn't have to go. I had the sudden urge to yell "DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE YOUR MOMMA DONT FEED YOU!"(but didn't of course cause that doesn't really fit in to the point Im trying to make)Then, all of the underworld was unleashed from my above average looking mouth.
If you know me, then you probably know that I have a very short fuse. If I were a firecracker, I would malfunction all the time because I wouldn't have enough time between the fuse being lighted and the lighter running away. Peeps be gettin blown up fast. Anyway, I preceeded to ask him what was so wrong with walking to the library or at least sitting outside. His answer was "I don't want to". Well guess what?? I don't care. I preceeded to tell him that I was not going to let him waste his summer sitting around all day creating fantasy worlds when there was an already real world here just waiting to be explored. This is when I decided that if he wasn't going to go outside, then I was going to make him do things inside. I made a list of things that needed to be done inside of the house and gave him his choice of what he wanted to do. How can that be bitchy, I gave him a choice...duh that was nice. Anyhoo, he didn't like that very much. His response was no. And of course I let that fly and let him play video games...NOT. I then forced him to do this little cabinet thingy that his mom wanted done weeks ago. He then asked why, and do I have to, and what gives you the right to do this to me(my personal favorite of course. My age and general awesomeness in the world gives me the right buckow. And because I was hired to be in charge of course). He did it, not without complaints. Then, this is when things get really interesting. I know, this is already like a Die Hard movie, how can it get any better?? Oh it does, just you wait.
As I was sitting on the couch waiting for him to be done, he came over and sat down and preceeded to question me on my authority over him. And I gave him the same answers such as your mom pays me to do this, you could just do something nice for your family once in a while, Im not going to let you waste your summer on the computer blah blah blah. I admit, my voice may have been a bit raised, but I was not yelling by any means. So he calls his mom and tells her that "whats her face" is making me clean and wont let me pet the cat". She says, "just go for a walk". I hear this and jump at the opportunity to make him go outside. This time mothers orders, not mine. So we get our shoes on and are walking down the stairs to the street when he runs back inside and yells "you go for a walk!" Oooooooooooooooo, burn... Little did he know that I am by no means dumb and grabbed a key. But I figured this would be a perfect opportunity to call his mother and tell her what a little you know what her son is being. OH! I almost forgot, he recorded my so called "insults" during my slightly raised voice telling him to clean. I said it was his summer not mine, the more he complains the more he can clean. He then preceeded to tell me that it was my last day and the he was going to get me fired... Nice try.
Needless to say, she sent me home for the day, which was fine with me, she paid me for the day and it was nice out. Mom and I had a grand old time. When I went inside to get my things, I said "bye buddy, see ya next week!!" And he like the really super smart person that he thinks he is said "Not likely."
I am proud to say that I did not get fired. I was there bright and early Monday morning with a smile and a bright hello(much to his dismay). But even after all that, he only called me "kind of bitchy". I would call that a win for everyone. Thanks for reading everyone, I hope you got a few chuckles out of my story and I hope you continue to follow the aimless yet sometime hilarious life of me, marebear. Until next time!
PS... After he called me "kind of bitchy" he continued on by saying the world would be a lot better if he just ruled it all. HA! Yeah right, if that happens, well, lets just hope we never find out...
So, I am what some would call a nanny. I clean the house once a week(I know, for those that know me well this comes as a suprise, but what is even more scary is that I am starting to like it...) and 3 days a week, I am a "babysitter" for a 14 year old boy. Now 14 is an awkward age for anyone. I know it was for me, but I escaped unscathed, as did most of us. I am not so sure that is going to be the case for this boy. And that will have to do with me.
Like I said in a previous post, I am seen in a lot of different ways by a lot of different people. My absolute favorite way though came about yesterday while sitting outside with the 14 year old. He described me as "kind of bitchy". I had to think about this for a second. This comment could be seen to many people as mean. But the word bitchy has a little different context to me than most people. At first I was offended. Didn't this kid know that the only reason I am bitchy to him is because he doesn't listen to me and I am easily flustered with insubordination!!!!! Then I thought about it a little more. This time I took it as a complitment. He didn't say I was bitchy. He said I was KIND of bitchy. This is completely different. I just told him that I don't take crap from anyone, and many times that can come off as bitchy. Especially when pubescent(probably one of the funniest words in the english language...its pube then scent:meaning teenage...)little boys are involved. So technically, it's his own fault for making me mad.
Anyway, there is a reason this whole conversation came about. Last Friday, there was something that can be seen as some what of an altercation that occured between me and the pubertal toddler. Bikeriding was on the agenda for Friday. I hauled my bike over in my not big enough for a bike car and was really excited. The thing about the adolescent is that he really likes video games. This is not an issue, but it becomes one when he spends all day inside. It's 80 degrees outside and sunny, how can someone spend all day inside when thats what its like outside. I dont know. Paradox of the day. So after Ellen, I said lets go for a bike ride!!! In my sorority girly voice of course, just to annoy him ;) He then began to make every excuse in the book, we've all done it. So I went outside, un packed my bike and began impatiently riding around their driveway yelling his name and telling him to get his lazy butt outside and onto his bike. He then came outside and told me that his mom wanted to talk to me. Great. He called his mom to get out of going for a bike ride AROUND THE BLOCK!!! She said that he said that he didn't have his helmet(which was probably in the basement) so he didn't have to go. I had the sudden urge to yell "DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE YOUR MOMMA DONT FEED YOU!"(but didn't of course cause that doesn't really fit in to the point Im trying to make)Then, all of the underworld was unleashed from my above average looking mouth.
If you know me, then you probably know that I have a very short fuse. If I were a firecracker, I would malfunction all the time because I wouldn't have enough time between the fuse being lighted and the lighter running away. Peeps be gettin blown up fast. Anyway, I preceeded to ask him what was so wrong with walking to the library or at least sitting outside. His answer was "I don't want to". Well guess what?? I don't care. I preceeded to tell him that I was not going to let him waste his summer sitting around all day creating fantasy worlds when there was an already real world here just waiting to be explored. This is when I decided that if he wasn't going to go outside, then I was going to make him do things inside. I made a list of things that needed to be done inside of the house and gave him his choice of what he wanted to do. How can that be bitchy, I gave him a choice...duh that was nice. Anyhoo, he didn't like that very much. His response was no. And of course I let that fly and let him play video games...NOT. I then forced him to do this little cabinet thingy that his mom wanted done weeks ago. He then asked why, and do I have to, and what gives you the right to do this to me(my personal favorite of course. My age and general awesomeness in the world gives me the right buckow. And because I was hired to be in charge of course). He did it, not without complaints. Then, this is when things get really interesting. I know, this is already like a Die Hard movie, how can it get any better?? Oh it does, just you wait.
As I was sitting on the couch waiting for him to be done, he came over and sat down and preceeded to question me on my authority over him. And I gave him the same answers such as your mom pays me to do this, you could just do something nice for your family once in a while, Im not going to let you waste your summer on the computer blah blah blah. I admit, my voice may have been a bit raised, but I was not yelling by any means. So he calls his mom and tells her that "whats her face" is making me clean and wont let me pet the cat". She says, "just go for a walk". I hear this and jump at the opportunity to make him go outside. This time mothers orders, not mine. So we get our shoes on and are walking down the stairs to the street when he runs back inside and yells "you go for a walk!" Oooooooooooooooo, burn... Little did he know that I am by no means dumb and grabbed a key. But I figured this would be a perfect opportunity to call his mother and tell her what a little you know what her son is being. OH! I almost forgot, he recorded my so called "insults" during my slightly raised voice telling him to clean. I said it was his summer not mine, the more he complains the more he can clean. He then preceeded to tell me that it was my last day and the he was going to get me fired... Nice try.
Needless to say, she sent me home for the day, which was fine with me, she paid me for the day and it was nice out. Mom and I had a grand old time. When I went inside to get my things, I said "bye buddy, see ya next week!!" And he like the really super smart person that he thinks he is said "Not likely."
I am proud to say that I did not get fired. I was there bright and early Monday morning with a smile and a bright hello(much to his dismay). But even after all that, he only called me "kind of bitchy". I would call that a win for everyone. Thanks for reading everyone, I hope you got a few chuckles out of my story and I hope you continue to follow the aimless yet sometime hilarious life of me, marebear. Until next time!
PS... After he called me "kind of bitchy" he continued on by saying the world would be a lot better if he just ruled it all. HA! Yeah right, if that happens, well, lets just hope we never find out...
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Day 8- Blah Blah Blah
Blah blah blah reminds me of that Ke$ha song... Not a good thing haha. The blah blah blah today is for the people who keep trying to change my mind. I am many things. I am smart but sometimes spacey. I am funny but sometimes try too hard. I am all of the above and sometimes most of the below. I don't know if any of that makes sense, but what I am trying to say is that I am a lot of one thing and sometimes just as much of the completely polar opposite. It's what makes me me. I keep people on their toes ;) For me, it's just a way to keep life exciting. Its already so short in the first place, why make it boring right? Anyway, in typical me fashion, I have gone on a rant. What I am trying to say is that I can often make spur of the moment decisions. That what Marquette, India, UNC and Century all were. They were decisions that weren't well thought out and thoroughly researched. This time I am determined to do it right. I am determined to make the choice that will best suit me and my needs right now. I have a plan. I am not going back to Marquette. That was a hard enough decision to make on its own. There are a lot of things I am going to miss. I have a great group of friends there. Friends that I know I will be friends with for a long time. But I am sad to not have the two years I would have had to develop those friendships even further. But they are my friends and they understand. Then there was being the mascot. I never quite got the thrill from playing sports in high school that I get from being in front of thousands and thousands of people making a complete fool of myself and dancing and giving things away and making children laugh and sometimes cry. I was a part of the elite group of people who can say they were a D1 mascot. No, I didn't get any scholarship for doing it. To me it was just another job. I got paid $15 dollars a game. Most would say that is not enough, but what I got from those games was so much more than the money. The things I got to experience from being a part of that was more than I could have ever hoped for. Being a girl made it all the more special.
I've always prided myself on the things I have accomplished as a female in the world. I am not a feminist in many ways, but I believe that women still aren't equal in many ways in the world. What got me thinking of this was my mom. My mom and I were talking about kids the other day for some reason and my mom told me about the time when she asked my dad if he was sad that he never got a boy. And he said no, because my sister and I can do and have done things that boys could do just as well. Just this past 4th of July weekend, we had no problems picking up halves of trees and dragging them across lengths of the beach. We can hold our own in sports and have always prided ourselves on getting along with most people but not taking crap from those we don't care for. It's a simple things when put into words, but it makes me feel good to know that I can hold my own.
Thinking about myself as a female in a male world got me thinking of another group that I am proud to a part of but also cause me more headaches than I would like to admit. I have a great solid group of friends from high school that I wouldn't trade for the world. They have been my rock and there for me when I have needed them most. It is an ever expanding group, always changing in size with new people flowing in and people always going on their own adventures. No one ever fails to come back though. But what a very dear friend of mine pointed out to me the other day was that this is a highly over achieved group of people. This is not a bad thing in the least, it makes us all better when surrounded by each other. But what I have grown to notice is that sometimes, competition turns into badgering and downing those around us. Being in the situation that I am in now has made me come to think about this all the more lately. It was at a recent funeral of a friend that something about others from our class was brought up by one of my friends. That she felt really good about herself being surrounded by those who had either dropped out of school or never gone while she was getting a degree and getting along great with world. At the time this was mentioned I just went along with it and didn't think anything else of it. What I think about now is what gives her the right to say that people are failures based on what school or how long they went for? Success and failure in this world should not be based on what school someone went to. And this isn't the first time a comment like this has been made. I have some friends at very esteemed universities. And they got there with hard work and brains. To make this clear, I am not downing my group of friends. They all work hard to make it in the world and deserve everything they get in this world. I love them all and wouldn't change them for the world. I am just merely reflecting on the fact that sometimes they down others and it doesn't feel good. I've been a part of it for sure. But what I've come to realize is that being in this position is hard. I have been a part of a high achieving group for a large part of my life, and I have had preconceived notions about the route I am on now. I guess this is coming from a fear that me taking this route will somehow change my relationship with my friends. That they will look down upon me in some way for taking this route. And that scares me. They are who I have trusted and been with for a long time. I know it's probably an empty fear, but a fear none the less.
Change is always scary. How we handle change is what will truly define who a person becomes. I am ready for that change. I have made up my mind. I am going on this adventure. In the process, I will change. I just hope the people around me can accept and love that change. I know I will.
I've always prided myself on the things I have accomplished as a female in the world. I am not a feminist in many ways, but I believe that women still aren't equal in many ways in the world. What got me thinking of this was my mom. My mom and I were talking about kids the other day for some reason and my mom told me about the time when she asked my dad if he was sad that he never got a boy. And he said no, because my sister and I can do and have done things that boys could do just as well. Just this past 4th of July weekend, we had no problems picking up halves of trees and dragging them across lengths of the beach. We can hold our own in sports and have always prided ourselves on getting along with most people but not taking crap from those we don't care for. It's a simple things when put into words, but it makes me feel good to know that I can hold my own.
Thinking about myself as a female in a male world got me thinking of another group that I am proud to a part of but also cause me more headaches than I would like to admit. I have a great solid group of friends from high school that I wouldn't trade for the world. They have been my rock and there for me when I have needed them most. It is an ever expanding group, always changing in size with new people flowing in and people always going on their own adventures. No one ever fails to come back though. But what a very dear friend of mine pointed out to me the other day was that this is a highly over achieved group of people. This is not a bad thing in the least, it makes us all better when surrounded by each other. But what I have grown to notice is that sometimes, competition turns into badgering and downing those around us. Being in the situation that I am in now has made me come to think about this all the more lately. It was at a recent funeral of a friend that something about others from our class was brought up by one of my friends. That she felt really good about herself being surrounded by those who had either dropped out of school or never gone while she was getting a degree and getting along great with world. At the time this was mentioned I just went along with it and didn't think anything else of it. What I think about now is what gives her the right to say that people are failures based on what school or how long they went for? Success and failure in this world should not be based on what school someone went to. And this isn't the first time a comment like this has been made. I have some friends at very esteemed universities. And they got there with hard work and brains. To make this clear, I am not downing my group of friends. They all work hard to make it in the world and deserve everything they get in this world. I love them all and wouldn't change them for the world. I am just merely reflecting on the fact that sometimes they down others and it doesn't feel good. I've been a part of it for sure. But what I've come to realize is that being in this position is hard. I have been a part of a high achieving group for a large part of my life, and I have had preconceived notions about the route I am on now. I guess this is coming from a fear that me taking this route will somehow change my relationship with my friends. That they will look down upon me in some way for taking this route. And that scares me. They are who I have trusted and been with for a long time. I know it's probably an empty fear, but a fear none the less.
Change is always scary. How we handle change is what will truly define who a person becomes. I am ready for that change. I have made up my mind. I am going on this adventure. In the process, I will change. I just hope the people around me can accept and love that change. I know I will.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Day 7- Just Another Bump in the Road
Well, what I say about plans is only becoming more solidified as I go along here. Today, I went to my first Twins game, and of course, they lost it in the last inning. But that seems to be the trend for the day anyway, so I wasn't bothered. I had a plan today, and of course, nothing went according to it. As I was at home, excitedly(is that even word, whatever, I just made it one) halfway through my Century application and I find that they do not offer Bachelors degrees in not only Criminal Justice, but ANYTHING! SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!! Well, I, being awesome, was ready to concede to this idea that I was not going anywhere in the world and automatically assumed the worst of the situation. But I leveled out and looked did an online search to community colleges in the Twin Cities area. Within literally not even a minute, I had a call from Argosy University in the Twin Cities(actually Eagan but of course their website would never actually say that) from a lady who had the script memorized. I literally couldn't contain myself from laughing on the phone. This was all while I was chatting online with the dimwitted people from Chegg who charged me 84 dollars for a book I returned two months ago. But I got a refund so never fear faithful followers and randoms who stumbled upon this piece of artwork and are still reading :)
Anyhoooo, I am now looking at Metropolitan in St. Paul. So thats what happened today. Just another fork in the already winding and many street road.
Anyhoooo, I am now looking at Metropolitan in St. Paul. So thats what happened today. Just another fork in the already winding and many street road.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Day 5- Real
I can make as many plans as I want, but when mother nature steps in, you know it just wasn't meant to be. As I was driving up to the cabin with my sisters boyfriend, the chatter flowed and the anticipation for the coming vacation was running high. Little did we know, the storm to be remembered was riding right along side us. After stopping in Siren for an alchi order for the rentals, we found that it did not possess a certain bottle needed for Dad. Thank a higher power for that. A bottle of Ameretto Sour, I'm convinced, saved our lives. In the next town in the parking lot of Waynes, the sky literally fell upon us with the classic shopping car wizzing by with no driver. Thats when the weekend became a true adventure. A normally two hour or less car ride with easy turns and lazy roads turned into a four hour adrenaline fest with more sheared off trees laying in the road and in the woods than I have ever seen in my entire life. I saw a bloody man out of my window as we were driving past who had been hit by a tree while on his motor cycle. I saw downed power line and people walking down the road with chain saws. When we finally arrived to the cabin, I saw the first part of the deck broken with one of the largest tree's on the property leaning up against it. That is by far the most scared I have ever been in my entire life. No power for the whole weekend, but in true Schafhauser fashion, we made it work with meals on the fire and grill, coffee from the lake and no running water. It actually ended up being one of the more memorable weekends I've ever spent up there.
This got me thinking of course. I know, my mom would ask me if it hurt. But what they don't know, is that my brain runs a hundred miles an hour 24-7. I'm usually just thinking of the most random things and too hard about life so when I forget to do something they ask of me, they make fun of me. But back to thinking(see what I mean...easily distracted). As I was surveying the damage around the lake, I was amazed at how almost all of the cabins, minus a few windows, boat and roofs, had been spared. All trees falling the right way or twisted into impossible positions so that they didn't fall on the house. Including ours, it was a miracle I wasn't cuddling with branches from a tree that very well could have fallen through the roof. It was almost enough to get me believing in a higher power.
This weekend also got me thinking about the future, which is the whole point of the blog! So let's get down to it. I have made a decision. I know, you're all dying to know what is!!!!!!!! Okay probably not, but it's a little strange for me to put it in writing, it makes it real, and I have a problem with real. I like my fantasy's. They are fun and safe and open to all possibilities. But I guess real is more fun, well because it's real. I am going to get my degree from Century College and live at home for at least the first year. Make some money and get a job, just float through, going on various adventures.
Wow, thinking, telling and making this real is kind of scary. I'm trying to come to terms with this new life of mine. And I'm not there yet. I'm not ready to believe that I'm not going back to my friends in the fall and living on my own. I'm not ready and I'll admit it. I'm doing it, but I'm sad on many levels. I like to think that I'm this carefree person who doesn't care about what people think. But in every person, there is a level of them that cares. I am no different. What I am best at is hiding my insecurities with humor. I make the joke to make people laugh so that I don't have to face reality. That seems to be the running theme here. Real. This is real. I am sure I could make a sarcastic comment or throw in a funny joke here, but in reality, I am scared to death. But I guess feeling scared is better than feeling nothing at all. It means that this next part of my life means just a little more than usual. I want this to work really bad. I want this next part of my life to really flow for me. And I'm ready. Ready to be real.
To make a funny joke though, still no official rejection letter in the mail fro UNC. They didn't even have the decency to send me a paper letter, I guess it REALLY wasn't meant to be ;) Until next time folks, just remember to smile. A smile is easier than frowning. Frowning takes more muscles. More muscles=more energy. We use enough energy, so lets conserve some :)
This got me thinking of course. I know, my mom would ask me if it hurt. But what they don't know, is that my brain runs a hundred miles an hour 24-7. I'm usually just thinking of the most random things and too hard about life so when I forget to do something they ask of me, they make fun of me. But back to thinking(see what I mean...easily distracted). As I was surveying the damage around the lake, I was amazed at how almost all of the cabins, minus a few windows, boat and roofs, had been spared. All trees falling the right way or twisted into impossible positions so that they didn't fall on the house. Including ours, it was a miracle I wasn't cuddling with branches from a tree that very well could have fallen through the roof. It was almost enough to get me believing in a higher power.
This weekend also got me thinking about the future, which is the whole point of the blog! So let's get down to it. I have made a decision. I know, you're all dying to know what is!!!!!!!! Okay probably not, but it's a little strange for me to put it in writing, it makes it real, and I have a problem with real. I like my fantasy's. They are fun and safe and open to all possibilities. But I guess real is more fun, well because it's real. I am going to get my degree from Century College and live at home for at least the first year. Make some money and get a job, just float through, going on various adventures.
Wow, thinking, telling and making this real is kind of scary. I'm trying to come to terms with this new life of mine. And I'm not there yet. I'm not ready to believe that I'm not going back to my friends in the fall and living on my own. I'm not ready and I'll admit it. I'm doing it, but I'm sad on many levels. I like to think that I'm this carefree person who doesn't care about what people think. But in every person, there is a level of them that cares. I am no different. What I am best at is hiding my insecurities with humor. I make the joke to make people laugh so that I don't have to face reality. That seems to be the running theme here. Real. This is real. I am sure I could make a sarcastic comment or throw in a funny joke here, but in reality, I am scared to death. But I guess feeling scared is better than feeling nothing at all. It means that this next part of my life means just a little more than usual. I want this to work really bad. I want this next part of my life to really flow for me. And I'm ready. Ready to be real.
To make a funny joke though, still no official rejection letter in the mail fro UNC. They didn't even have the decency to send me a paper letter, I guess it REALLY wasn't meant to be ;) Until next time folks, just remember to smile. A smile is easier than frowning. Frowning takes more muscles. More muscles=more energy. We use enough energy, so lets conserve some :)
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