Day 11- Don't Look At Me Like Your Momma Don't Feed You

Sara, this one's for you. :)

So, I am what some would call a nanny. I clean the house once a week(I know, for those that know me well this comes as a suprise, but what is even more scary is that I am starting to like it...) and 3 days a week, I am a "babysitter" for a 14 year old boy. Now 14 is an awkward age for anyone. I know it was for me, but I escaped unscathed, as did most of us. I am not so sure that is going to be the case for this boy. And that will have to do with me.

Like I said in a previous post, I am seen in a lot of different ways by a lot of different people. My absolute favorite way though came about yesterday while sitting outside with the 14 year old. He described me as "kind of bitchy". I had to think about this for a second. This comment could be seen to many people as mean. But the word bitchy has a little different context to me than most people. At first I was offended. Didn't this kid know that the only reason I am bitchy to him is because he doesn't listen to me and I am easily flustered with insubordination!!!!! Then I thought about it a little more. This time I took it as a complitment. He didn't say I was bitchy. He said I was KIND of bitchy. This is completely different. I just told him that I don't take crap from anyone, and many times that can come off as bitchy. Especially when pubescent(probably one of the funniest words in the english language...its pube then scent:meaning teenage...)little boys are involved. So technically, it's his own fault for making me mad. 

Anyway, there is a reason this whole conversation came about. Last Friday, there was something that can be seen as some what of an altercation that occured between me and the pubertal toddler. Bikeriding was on the agenda for Friday. I hauled my bike over in my not big enough for a bike car and was really excited. The thing about the adolescent is that he really likes video games. This is not an issue, but it becomes one when he spends all day inside. It's 80 degrees outside and sunny, how can someone spend all day inside when thats what its like outside. I dont know. Paradox of the day. So after Ellen, I said lets go for a bike ride!!! In my sorority girly voice of course, just to annoy him ;) He then began to make every excuse in the book, we've all done it. So I went outside, un packed my bike and began impatiently riding around their driveway yelling his name and telling him to get his lazy butt outside and onto his bike. He then came outside and told me that his mom wanted to talk to me. Great. He called his mom to get out of going for a bike ride AROUND THE BLOCK!!! She said that he said that he didn't have his helmet(which was probably in the basement) so he didn't have to go. I had the sudden urge to yell "DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE YOUR MOMMA DONT FEED YOU!"(but didn't of course cause that doesn't really fit in to the point Im trying to make)Then, all of the underworld was unleashed from my above average looking mouth. 

If you know me, then you probably know that I have a very short fuse. If I were a firecracker, I would malfunction all the time because I wouldn't have enough time between the fuse being lighted and the lighter running away. Peeps be gettin blown up fast. Anyway, I preceeded to ask him what was so wrong with walking to the library or at least sitting outside. His answer was "I don't want to". Well guess what?? I don't care. I preceeded to tell him that I was not going to let him waste his summer sitting around all day creating fantasy worlds when there was an already real world here just waiting to be explored. This is when I decided that if he wasn't going to go outside, then I was going to make him do things inside. I made a list of things that needed to be done inside of the house and gave him his choice of what he wanted to do. How can that be bitchy, I gave him a choice...duh that was nice. Anyhoo, he didn't like that very much. His response was no. And of course I let that fly and let him play video games...NOT. I then forced him to do this little cabinet thingy that his mom wanted done weeks ago. He then asked why, and do I have to, and what gives you the right to do this to me(my personal favorite of course. My age and general awesomeness in the world gives me the right buckow. And because I was hired to be in charge of course). He did it, not without complaints. Then, this is when things get really interesting. I know, this is already like a Die Hard movie, how can it get any better?? Oh it does, just you wait. 

As I was sitting on the couch waiting for him to be done, he came over and sat down and preceeded to question me on my authority over him. And I gave him the same answers such as your mom pays me to do this, you could just do something nice for your family once in a while, Im not going to let you waste your summer on the computer blah blah blah. I admit, my voice may have been a bit raised, but I was not yelling by any means. So he calls his mom and tells her that "whats her face" is making me clean and wont let me pet the cat". She says, "just go for a walk". I hear this and jump at the opportunity to make him go outside. This time mothers orders, not mine. So we get our shoes on and are walking down the stairs to the street when he runs back inside and yells "you go for a walk!" Oooooooooooooooo, burn... Little did he know that I am by no means dumb and grabbed a key. But I figured this would be a perfect opportunity to call his mother and tell her what a little you know what her son is being. OH! I almost forgot, he recorded my so called "insults" during my slightly raised voice telling him to clean. I said it was his summer not mine, the more he complains the more he can clean. He then preceeded to tell me that it was my last day and the he was going to get me fired... Nice try. 

Needless to say, she sent me home for the day, which was fine with me, she paid me for the day and it was nice out. Mom and I had a grand old time. When I went inside to get my things, I said "bye buddy, see ya next week!!" And he like the really super smart person that he thinks he is said "Not likely."

I am proud to say that I did not get fired. I was there bright and early Monday morning with a smile and a bright hello(much to his dismay). But even after all that, he only called me "kind of bitchy". I would call that a win for everyone. Thanks for reading everyone, I hope you got a few chuckles out of my story and I hope you continue to follow the aimless yet sometime hilarious life of me, marebear. Until next time!

PS... After he called me "kind of bitchy" he continued on by saying the world would be a lot better if he just ruled it all. HA! Yeah right, if that happens, well, lets just hope we never find out...