Homeward Bound

It has certainly been quite awhile since I've posted. I know you've all been really sad for the lack of wit and inspiration ;) To be quite honest, the break was much needed. Over that amount of time, I've been able work, work, go to school, see a friend or two, work, have a drink, work, have a niece, work and go to school. It really has not been all that interesting if you take out the fact that I literally watched my sister have a child. So that is where I will begin..... WARNING: The following content is not what you think...

So childbirth. Going into this beautiful creation of life, I had my misconceptions. People say it is this amazing thing that you wont ever ever forget in your whole life. And it was amazing....ly disgusting. I do not ever want to see the things that I saw ever again. No offense to my beautiful sister and the beautiful niece that came out of her, but dat was gross. I got the call that she was going to the hospital around 8pm. I was at my second job of the day going on about 2 hours of sleep in a 24 hour time period. It is not just snowing, it is literally raining ice. And isn't that just sleet you ask? No, it was ice. The roads were as terrible as Minnesota winter throws at you. So I let the dogs out and I am hanging on for dear life as people are literally spinning out in front of me, behind, next to me, almost hitting me etc etc Minnesota sucks. So I walk around this hospital which I will add is the giantest hospital on the planet. It was a maze. And I had no idea where I was going. And I walk into the maternity ward which is this circle place where all the nurses were like "Who can I help you find" And here's me half a walking dead zombie half scared out of my mind about what is about to transpire. So I find her in her room hunched over a yoga ball with my mom in full massage mode literally beating her back so it will feel better. And there's dad, sitting in the corner with his legs crossed, looking like the epitome of man. Just intimidating. So she's going through contractions and I'm doing my best to use my stupid humor to take her mind off the contractions. And I am spouting just the stupidest crap. I'm like "with every breath just imagine the pain being exhaled with the air" and "let it relax, just every part of your body with every breath" and other things that made no sense to me. And here is the nurse, a trained professional, being like "are you a doula?" She clearly didn't know me. I "watched the video" was my response, and in the end, I didn't watch the video, and I realized that I should have watched the dang video. My bad. So from there the labor progresses and things happen which should never happen to any person ever and stupid people come in and out of the room all day and then, there is a shining light, our doctor. She is the tiniest thing on the planet. She is literally shorter than the bed level my sister is contorted in. So we are ready, after 3 and half hours of pushing and screaming and crying (by me) we are ready to see her. She has this vacuum thing stuck to her head and the doctor is ready to pull. She informs us that she has three tries to pull this dang stubborn baby (have moms personality much baby?) out of somewhere no human should come from. So here's the first. It gets her out not really a lot. And Sara has to sit there and wait. The second pull comes and she gets her to the point where all we can see in this mane of pitch black hair sitting in a place it shouldn't. And this is the part where Sara informs the whole hospital that she is "NEVER HAVING A BABY AGAIN, BUT NOT REALLY, I"LL JUST ADOPT, OWWWWWWWW" And I'm crying and my dads crying and my mom who always cries is just there, game face on in my sisters face telling her to push. So here comes the third pull and this doctor is pulling with all her might and Sara is making sounds that again, no one should make ever, and I'm balling my eyes out and my dad is balling his eyes out/laughing because he's dad and that's just how he rolls. And she comes. And shes there. And within minutes the room is empty again and its just us. The four of us and this new being which my sister just birthed. And I'm so tired I have no idea what is happening and Dad is in full picture mode with eight different cameras and a couple phones and mom is just staring at the baby because its a baby and she is obsessed. And as I drive home literally 15 minutes later, all I am thinking is, "That was gross." "What just happened" "Best family bonding moment ever?" "Just a regular family outing to the hospital" "I'm tired." "What just happened" etc. You get the idea. And that is that. The last three months have been whirlwind of poop, pee, crying, laughing, sleeping, poop, pee, crying, crying, hugging, laughing, poop etc. Again, you get the idea. She is the most amazing thing that happened to this family.  Needless to say, whoever said that childbirth is this beautiful life changing experience never saw my sister give birth. It isn't the process that is beautiful, it is the thing that comes from it. The rest is just a made up beautiful experience. 

 

 

 

Whadda stud

And that's life for the last three months. I'm graduating in August, working a ton and just taking all that life has to throw at me. It has certainly been an adventure. I look forward to once again having time to throw you tid bits of humor, laughter, tears, inspiration. Remember that you are beautiful, but your body can do some pretty disgusting things. And here is the music that has held my attention the last week. Enjoy and welcome back people.