Bang Bang Club

I don't know what it is lately, but I'm having trouble being content right now. Don't get me wrong, I've made my decision, as I've stated many times before, and I'm fine with it. But I don't want to be here forever. My freshman year of college was the first time I contemplated leaving Marquette. I didn't feel like I was accomplishing anything or making any kind of impact on the world. The wound was still pretty fresh from not being in Switzerland and freshman year is hard for everyone. I'm glad I stayed as long as I did. I met amazing people and had amazing experiences that a lot of people don't get to have. But I feel like I'm stuck now. I can't help being jealous of my friends who are traveling the world and doing their thing. Its feel like its natural to feel abandoned. Even though that is probably a bad choice of wording, its what I feel. But at the same time, I'm so proud of those people who are doing something greater. But I'm still unsatisfied. I want to be in those places, experiences those things, having my mind blown every single day. I want to by an old camera, pack a backpack with the bare essentials and go on my merry way. But that isn't how the world works. Money controls every single thing and I hate that.

I watched a movie last night called the Bang Bang Club. Admittedly I only started it because the one and only FNL hottie Taylor Kitsch was in it. I finished it because the story was truly amazing and really made me think about the world we live in. It is about 4 photographers in the time of the Nelson Mandela election when mass fighting was breaking out. It was all about getting the shot and selling the pictures to make a living. These 4 photographers went right into the fighting but because they were white, they wouldn't be harmed. It gradually became less about sharing the stories and more about getting the better pictures. One man even wondered what he would do when it was over and there was no more action. I don't want to give the movie away because I feel that everyone should watch it. Its based on a true story and really worth it. But the point is, we can take these pictures of people dying and being slaughtered in front of your eyes. We can open the eyes of the world to the problems happening around us. But what are we doing to fix these problems? My American Nature writing class has made me think about a lot more than just critiquing works about nature. The theories of how we help the world apply to all facets of life. We can donate as much money as we want to nations less fortunate to us, but what are we doing directly to help people. I'm not saying that we should all fly to third world countries and save them. It is an unrealistic proposition. There are people here in America who need help. Right around the corner from any one person is someone less fortunate. I just want to help everyone. I want to hear their stories and get them out there. But more than that, I want to actually, physically help them.

I have never really been one to want more things than I have. But I want this. And I want it so badly it keeps me up at night. Through all the changes I have made throughout this last year, I still want more. It may be some selfish need to feel good about myself, but doesn't everyone deserve that at some point in their life. The feeling that they matter, that they are making a difference or some sort of impact on the ever changing world around them has to be the greatest feeling in the world. I have yet to feel it. Sure, I've probably had glimpses of this throughout my short life, but not enough to be satisfied. The Peace Corp isn't some hippy dream of mine. Its something I really want to do and something I'm really passionate about. I love the work they do and the opportunities they provide. Whether I do that right after college or later on in life, I'm going to do it. But I want more than that. I want to throw myself into a water conservation project in India, teach kids to read in Russia, play with children in Africa, save animals in Cape Town. I want to do it all. I can talk all I want about these things, but like I've said before. Taking the first step is always the hardest. For now, I start small. Find a charity I believe in and become a part of it. I will help someone someday. I'm not going to save the world from itself. But someone out there is going to have their life changed and their story heard one day. This I promise, not only to myself but to that person.

For now I change my health one day at a time. Don't forget to check out Skinny Girl Thoughts but yours truly. What are you going to do to change your life today?